Do you know who can really take all of the greatness out of Thanksgiving? Nutritionists, doctors, and healthy-living "experts", that's who. Thanksgiving is a day where fun is solely measured by how tight your pants are when it ends. Unfortunately, freaky food people are trying to intimidate holiday observing Americans into eating healthier, by making them well aware of how many calories they will consume in a span of 24 hours. And to that we say...back off bitches, it's one day...let us all pop the buttons off our shirts and shower with gravy in PEACE.

According to the jerk face health nuts out there, the average American inhales between 3,000 and 4,500 calories during this one day of thanks. We honestly, don't see any problem here. Buuuuuuut the media is blasting us with advice, tips, and other annoying information on how to avoid overeating this Thanksgiving. As it turns out, we have a little advice of our own to give on this topic...

What "Experts" Suggest: Put unhealthy side dishes such as; mashed potato's, stuffing, candied yams, etc, on a side table away from the main eating area.
Reasoning: People get comfortable and they tend to eat only what is placed in front of them.
What We Suggest: Sit at the side table.

What "Experts" Suggest: Choose white meat over dark meat.
Reasoning: White meat is higher in protein and lower in fat content and calories.
What We Suggest: Eat both. Nobody likes a racist at the Thanksgiving table.

What "Experts" Suggest: Do not skip meals on Thanksgiving Day.
Reasoning: Eating breakfast and lunch will help you to avoid binge eating at dinner.
What We Suggest: We agree. Eat all day long.

What "Experts" Suggest: Socialize with your family.
Reasoning: You can't talk with your mouth full.
What We Suggest: Chow down and speak up. Your dad has been telling the same story about you failing Earth Science in the 9th grade with food flying out of his mouth for 15 years.

What "Experts" Suggest: Eat a low-fat vegetable soup as a starter.
Reasoning: Soups rich in vegetables fill you up with nutrients, making you feel full and satisfied.
What We Suggest: Throw the soup on the floor and say "what is this shit? The Pilgrims didn't eat soup!"

What "Experts" Suggest: Workout before your meal.
Reasoning: A high intensity workout will help to burn up excess calories.
What We Suggest: Skip the gym. You'll burn enough calories fist fighting for 10 rounds with your family.

What "Experts" Suggest: Drink plenty of water.
Reasoning: Water will keep you hydrated and help to make you feel full throughout the day.
What We Suggest: Beer has water in it. Drink up.

Happy Thanksgiving kickballers!
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