Uncle George's Moe & Go vs. Your Pitch Makes My Kick Hard
Sahlen Stadium Field #1
Thursday, June 25th 7:15PM
Uncle George's Moe & Go
Team Captain: Dan McCoy
Team Sponsor: "I seriously have no idea" ~ Dan McCoy
Your Pitch Makes My Kick Hard
Team Captain: Ricky Muolo
Team Sponsor: Murphy's Law
Thursday nights face off between Uncle George's Moe & Go and Your Pitch Makes My Kick Hard took place on a perfect summer night for Goldilocks. Not too hot, not too cold, not too humid, and not too good of kickball being played. Kick off!
The 1st Inning:
The first kick of the game resembled a civil war reenactment at Gettysburg with a musket shot straight to center - leading to a stand up double for Uncle George's Moe & Go, aka the Union. After a catch in right, a cannon was fired into the left battlefield - resulting in a man down & a run scored. After another quick out and a grounder to the pitcher, a missed throw at 1st resulted in another run scoring before the white flags where waved and a cease fire commenced. 2-0 The North.
Your Pitch Makes My Kick Hard lined up for the bottom of the 1st just as Pitbull laid down some serious vocals on the stadium speakers. Luckily for Uncle George, Pitbulls sic rhymes were waaaay tougher than Your Pitches kicks at the plate. Leaving nobody on base, they went down and out in 4 disastrous plays.
The 2nd Inning:
Due to a bunch of blue slackers showing up to the field late, there was a slight delay to start the top of the 2nd. Though childish, Your Pitch's attempt at killing Uncle George's "Mo-Jo" & Go by using a classic stall technique worked beautifully. Uncle couldn't find a groove and left two runners stranded before retiring their Payless buy 1, get 1 free turf shoes for this 1/2 of the inning. Still 2-0 Uncle.
The bottom of the 2nd flew by faster than Marty McFly riding 88MPH in his DeLorean time machine. When three straight kicks result in three straight outs...you're forced to shotgun your Labbatts Blue rather than to revel in its smooth, refreshing Canadian taste. But either way you drink it, you can still burp out an "eh?" afterwards.
The 3rd Inning:
Uncle George's entire team must not believe in the whole "Not Me, Not Now" sex slogan, as there were kids running around like rabid hyenas everywhere. Condom or no condom, the top of the 3rd brought some of excitement out of the bedroom. The first kick of the inning was a drive right over the pitchers head to land a runner on first. A shallow and barely legal bunt moved the runner to second with two outs. Can you feel the excitement building readers?? Finally, a completely catchable fly ball to right field was completely dropped, allowing for a run to score before the third out of the inning came crashing down. And by crashing, we mean the runner at second was rubber burned in their back rounding third. A hilarious way to get out FYI. 3-0 Say Uncle
Your Pitch Makes My Kick Hard definitely did not live up to their team name during the bottom of the 3rd. A grounder to third combined with an overthrow at first landed Pitch their first base runner of the game. But that's where the momentum ended and the entire Pitch team went flacid. A pop-up to short, a fly-out to left, and a catch at third ended the inning on a sad note. Pitches be crying everywhere.
The 4th Inning:
Uncle George drilled a single to left to start the inning. Fast forward to one out with runners on first and second...a poorly placed grounder to third resulted in a double play with force-outs galore. We're not sure what is more baffling...the intense speed of this game or the fact that Your Pitch actually made a double play.
It appeared that DJ Snake released his "Greatest Hits" collection right in time for the bottom of the 4th. Just as Lil Jon asked "Turn Down for What", a play at first gave the Hard Pitch Kickers their first out...followed immediately by a play in center for their second...and then followed by a play at short for their third. Side retired. Thank God "Get Low" just came on! Now we can dance.
The 5th Inning:
Up by 3 runs with little to lose, Uncle Buck put their balls to the wall with a grounder to short for the kickoff. With a base runner on and two outs, somehow a run scored. You have to cut our game recapping skills some slack here as there were kids running mad like a safari stampede all over the place. All we know is that a run came home and a runner got blasted in the leg rounding third for the final out. 4-0 Uncle.
Just when you thought a kickball game couldn't possible move any faster, Your Pitch Makes My Kick Hard took to the plate and delivered their same old shenanigans quicker than a UPS driver during the holiday season rush. Out...Out...Out.
The 6th Inning:
Knowing that they have a safety net of 4 runs up on the competition, pompous Uncle Kracker sucked empties during the top of the 6th. A fly ball to left and double play resulted in a lightening fast inning. It's amazing that Your Pitch can make two double plays in a game but can't score a single run or really get players on a base for that matter. Truly baffling.
Your Pitch Makes My Kick Hard tried to play catch up for the bottom half of the inning but clearly missed the mark. Three kicks and three outs basically had Uncle George's team prematurely tailgating in the parking lot. Still a 4-0 game.
The 7th Inning:
Trying to put more nails in the kickball coffin, Uncle Sam took to the plate for their last-ups. A double to left really put the heat on Your Pitch to get out of the inning alive. Luckily a throw to first, a line drive to the pitcher and a fly-out to right ended a looming onslaught of disaster. 4-0 Uncle.
Since this could've been the fastest kickball game on record, we're not going to sugar coat how the final half inning went down. Here it goes: 1st kick...pop-up to short. 2nd kick...fly-out to right. 3rd kick...fly-out to left. Your Pitch never stood a chance. Game over. Uncle George's Moe & Go takes the win.
Photo Credits: Frohtography