Sons of Pitches vs. We've Got the Runs
Sahlen Stadium Field #3
Thursday, August 13th. 7:15PM
Sons of Pitches
Team Captain: Gerry
Team Sponsor: Richmonds
We've Got the Runs
Team Captain: Mel Perez
Team Sponsor: The Scotch House
The lines were deep, waaaay deep at the beer truck for Thursday nights match-up between Sons of Pitches and We've Got the Runs. It was a perfect summer night for some kickball...and to top it off, "I Am Not A Whore" was playing throughout the stadium on repeat. How could it possibly be more perfect?? It couldn't. Let's kick balls!
The 1st Inning:
We've Got the Runs took to the field as Sons of Pitches slammed some beers on the sidelines, waiting to be called up to the plate. First kick, a fly ball to the pitcher that was bobbled and dropped in a most uncoordinated like fashion - resulting in a runner on first. After a quick catch by the third baseman and a pop out to left, the third kick of the inning lead to not only one, but two catches in the field. The ball was caught at third again, and the kickers shoe was caught by at first. Can somebody say "hand sanitizer? Because we can. Side retired.
Looking to stop We've Got the Runs from getting anything other than diarrhea during this game, Sons of Pitches stood at attention in the field. A kickball rolling to third in extreme slow motion (think Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) landed We've Got the Runs a base runner on first. Two foul balls and three quick outs soon followed, ending the inning on a rather lame note. What's not lame? The intense magnitude of techno music being blasted from the stadium speakers. A narcoleptic couldn't sleep in here.
The 2nd Inning:
We've Got the Runs clenched their cheeks in the field as Sons of Pitches started kicking. Keep up with us and fast forward to 2 outs with a runner on first...a grounder through the pitchers legs led to an overthrow at both 1st and 2nd, ultimately resulting in a run scored. A quick but stinging inning for the defense. 1-0 Pitches.
Why is it when Gagnam Style comes on people still try to reenact the entire Psy video with zero success? This game is moving faster than a tornado in Kansas, FYI. Speaking of fast...three kicks and three outs later this inning was over.
The 3rd Inning:
The top of the 3rd sounded off with two lightening fast outs and an overly enthusiastic We've Got the Runs "team manager" cheering (with homemade signs) in the stands. If a war hero was on the field the cheering wouldn't have been as intense. No joke. A single to third resulted in a stranded base runner when a fly to short was caught to end Pitches ups. Still 1-0 Pitches.
Trying desperately to make a comeback, We've Got the Runs came out kicking and screaming during the bottom half of the inning. A single to short and a grounder to third quickly gave the Imodim A-D kings runners at 1st and 2nd. Unfortunately, two force outs and a catch at 2nd ended the inning and ended the "team managers" rampant cheering faster than a alcoholic running to an open bar at a wedding.
The 4th Inning:
The umpire kept reminding everyone of the score by shouting out "1-0 honey". We know that "honey" is the team color for Sons of Pitches...but has anyone ever seen the movie Honey with Jessica Alba and Lil Romeo? It's about a hip-hop dance choreographer that has dreams of making a name for herself by making it big. It's Oscar worthy...a must-see for the entire family. Nothing predictable in that one-star film at all. Speaking of predicatable, three kicks...over and out. Still 1-0 "honey".
We've Got the Runs were getting anxious for some...well, runs...to finish out the inning. A single to left, a grounder to third, and a dropped ball at first, resulted in bases loaded. But that's where the magic pooped out, so to speak. Two balls caught in the infield and a strike out at the plate (yeah that happened) ended their chances and ended the inning scoreless.
The 5th Inning:
Still dancing away to techno music on the sidelines, Sons of Pitches put some runners on the bases during the 5th. Unfortunately, one runner pegged in the thigh rounding second, another blasted in their back sliding into home, and yet another shot in their shoulder running to first, resulted in three outs and kickball awesomeness.
Seriously, what is with all of the techno music playing?? If the game was a rave, the beer was liquid ecstasy, the stadium lights were replaced with black lights, and the team jerseys were actually glow-in-the-dark body paint, this would all make sense. What doesn't make sense is why We've Got the Runs can't get any runs. Again...three kicks, three outs. Inning over. 1-0 "honey".
The 6th Inning:
Moving along even faster...Sons of Pitches got tagged out twice in three kicks and flew out to left on their fourth. If you sneezed during this game, you would've missed 2 innings.
With time running out like sand through an hourglass, We've Got the Runs did their best Pepto Bismal commercial impression on the sidelines ("Heartburn, Nausea, Indigestion, Upset Stomach, Diarrhea!") to get pumped up for their ups. But all that accomplished was getting them pumped up for more outs. A couple of fly balls to center and a tag out at 2nd finished them off good.
The 7th Inning:
Finally something with words is playing in the stadium. Never has "Talk Dirty to Me" sounded so good. We've Got the Runs danced their way out to the field looking to stop any further bleeding brought on by Sons of Pitches kicking ability. A single to right put a runner on with no outs. Fortunately, a bunt to third led to a tag at second...stopping the advancement and leaving a runner back on first. After a quick foul ball, a fly out to left and a pop to first shut the Pitches down completely.
With one solid chance to put points on the scoreboard, We've Got the Runs lined up with their beers to take their turn at the plate. A single to the pitcher put the tying run on with no outs. Buuuuuuut just like all of the other innings during this game...a pop out to short, a tag at second, and a throw out at first ended the inning and the game. Sons of Pitches take the win 1-0.